Thursday, 18 December 2008

  • Perseverence Part II

    sweat-001

    Sweats drips down my face. I hear it drip onto my desk. My diaphragms are hurting less now than a minute ago, but the back of my throat is scratchy from gasping for all that cold air.

    I ran the longest and farthest today than I had ever run since I put the pictures of those running shoes up. There were many times I wanted to stop, or at least just walk for a couple of seconds. I wanted to give in to my body's pleading to stop the pain; it isn't used to such discomfort.

    But at the same time, I felt my head lift up and my heart reach upward away from this whining body. What propelled me forward was the music that wrapped around me and a prayer whispered between the gasps that asked, "God, help me."

    And with each request, my pride collapsed. My will gave in. My body shut itself up and silently endured. I ran and I kept running.

    That kind of surrender I haven't felt for quite a while.

Wednesday, 10 December 2008

  • The Wire


    It's not just a TV show. It's actually a mirror, made up of five glass panels, that is pointed at America to show her what she has become. The full gritty picture through the backdrop of Baltimore and the people within that city. It doesn't provide answers, because answers won't do any good in a TV show. Rather, it provokes the viewer to find the answers for themselves and then go an solve the problem the best they can.    

    Because of this show, I will never think about the poor, criminals, policemen, politicians, and journalists the same way again. It attacks everything you thought about those groups of people and shows the human condition that unites us and drives us to do what we do. It's not worth mentioning the amazing acting, screenplay, and the plot because for a show to make this kind of impact, the quality of those things must be high.

    But what I do need to mention is that this is what the medium of television was meant to do; to teach, inspire, move, challenge, and edify the public. In it's most honorable and purest form, it would realize that the truth doesn't need any sensationalizing. All you need is a faithfulness to that truth and hard work to keep it protected from lies. The Wire manages to do that so gracefully season after season.

    The wonder of Netflix brought this series to my front door throughout these past couple months. I feel like I need to watch it again to really understand what is trying to accomplish. But nonetheless, I am so thankful that a body of work like this has been produced and seen through till the end. There were people in powerful places who had enough courage and insight to give a show like this the green light and people like me have become better for it.

  • just that and nothing more

    an abridged version of a conversation i had this morning over IM.

    scene: a friend mentioned her "whoah!" reaction to a fancy new office phone she saw on her desk as she walked into work.


    me: i got it
    friend: hahahah
    me: i know now
    finally figured it out
    friend: what have you finally figured out?
    me: you have a lot of wonder in you
    friend: AHAHHA
    geez you make me feel like a sermon illustration
    hahah
    well you're like that too
    me: lol
    in some ways i guess
    friend: and then you blog about it
    in some deep way
    and take a picture of an empty swing
    for all the people who can't experience it


    i'm posting this conversation because i realized how refreshing it is to receive such nonchalant feedback that is objective, and not meant to be a compliment or an insult. i've been so muddled this week in thoughts of who i am, what i've become, and how that's affected the people around me. when this usually happens, i always try to seem like everything is put together. a band-aid on a gaping wound, as it were. but there's something liberating about honest observations that is just that and nothing more.
    has anyone told you what they see in you lately?

Thursday, 04 December 2008

  • Perseverance

    char-001

    The picture above is the stack of the Moleskine journals I have collected since college. Except for the one on the bottom, all the other ones have only a couple of pages of writing. In stead of finishing one all the way through, I used a petty cosmetic and functional excuse to go buy another one. As if what I written in determines what I write.

    This is an example of a ongoing habit in my life. Out of the gate, I run hard. I burst out like a man on fire. I am great at starting because the beginning is is far more glamorous than the middle and more exciting than the end. And so I rarely count the costs. And as hindsight shows, I am not good at finishing what I've started.   

    So why is this so? Why do I start with a full tank, but pull over halfway to my destination? The biggest reason I would say is false motives. The more my actions are for others than it is for myself, I start to sputter and give up.


    char-002

    These are my new running shoes. This is something that I started this week. Per a well-timed conversation with a friend and some self-examination that was also bitter to swallow, I am attempting once again to make exercise a part of my daily routine. I've started, and I would say I've started strong. The cynical me is waiting for when I will stop. But I've finally made it a point this time to start counting.

Saturday, 29 November 2008

  • Recall

    Ok, whatever that last post was I sincerely apologize for it. That was one of the most poorly written and careless entries I've ever read, and sadly, have ever written. I wanted to put up a post before I left for dinner with some friends, but i should have known I am not nearly good enough to do something like that. And really, come on, why do I sound so pretentious?

    There should have been a lot deleting and rewriting with that one. Here is what I wanted to say plain and simple, without the stupidity:

    When you have a moment, go to this post by Hugh McLeod where he offers his two cents on how to be creative. It's some of the best advice I ever heard on the subject. It's profound and refreshing. I'm still processing it, and will probably have to read it a couple times before I can react to it and talk about it. So please read it with me and let's start having some conversations about it.

    To give credit where credit is due, I found it per Seth Godin's advice on his eBook about blogging, which is also a great read if you are into all of that.

    There. I said what I had to say simply and somewhat intelligently. I know Google Reader is very unforgiving with mistaken posts, so I'm not going to try to hide it or get rid of it. A Lesson well learned. My face will return to it's normal color soon enough.

Friday, 28 November 2008

  • How to Be Creative

    Per Seth Godin's advice from one of his many eBooks, (which is also a great read, for anyone interested about blogging). I went to Hugh McLeod's blog and to his most popular post, "How to Be Creative". This post, even though written four years ago, is by far the best post on creativity I've read in the blogosphere about the process and growth of creativity. For anyone who has felt the need to be creative not just in art but within their professions, relationships, and responsibilities, this is a must read. It is also a must read for those that haven't, because he goes onto explain why creativity is necessary for your survival and legacy.

    Not everything he says can be taken at face value, but what makes this piece a diamond in the ruff is because of it can be. It would do us all well, within these tough and changing times, to read and heed what Hugh has to say.

    I'm also posting a link to a great PDF Version I also found from his website. Download it, print it out, and read it at your own leisure.

    I'll hold from sharing my thoughts and comments until some of you have read all or part of it. I would love to start a conversation about this here or in person.

Friday, 21 November 2008

  • Interrogations

    Four unrelated recent events in my live have come together to ask me some uncomfortable questions. Here are the events in order of occurrence:

    1. Self-directed tantrums when I forget to pack my earphones for my daily commute.
    2. Buying a $20 8GB USB Thumb Drive on Amazon, that once in my hand felt cheap and useless.
    3. Reading a recent post in Stuff Christian's Like.
    4. Reading an article a friend sent me about the deteriorating effects of social media on the internet.
    The questions that arose to interrogate me (these in no particular order) are:
    1. Has your mind and soul become shallow?
    2. Have you forgotten how to have a deep thought?
    3. Do you know how to really rest?
    Internally and externally, information is constantly around me moving at a frantic pace. We know far too well how we are bombarded as we walk across a city block. I know far too well how many thoughts are going through my mind as I walk across a city block at the same time. Information is now so abundant to the point that it has become inflated. I would have never thought 8 gigabytes of information could be placed in the palm of your hand for $20. You can fit a life's work of writing, photography, paintings, or conversations on there. It can store the most precious moments and the most profound thoughts.

    But feeling the thumb drive in my hand, the casing of the device was so poorly designed and manufactured. A few hard drops or careless handling of the thumb drive all that data would most likely be erased. All that potentially priceless information wrapped in such cheap exterior, only because we want to everything to be accessible at one time. As if having everything at our finger tips means that we will be able to find exactly what we need at the very moment we need it.

    But I will be the first to admit I love to have everything with me. I love feeling connected. On my computer at home, at work, and on my phone I am constantly connected. But does constant connection mean the strands holding us together are becoming thinner and thinner? Maybe. Sooner or later these cords that we feel hold us together, if not reinforced, will start to break under the the first sign of stress. We may have forgotten the blessings of a deep, long, honest conversation because we have become too used to curt comments and ideas that can't go past 140 characters. Because when we talk until we have nothing more to say, we just may end up talking about nothing at all.

    And the idea of nothing is at times scary. Because when there is nothing around me, that means I have to face everything about me. No, i don't want any of that. Just give my music and my mindless habits and I can bear the tedious commute. If i can't have either or, I'm forced to talk to my thoughts and I just don't have the courage to talk to them right now.

    So understanding all this, makes me realize that I'm tired. I really need to rest, but even sleep has become shallow for me. I've been trying to figure out how I can fight for that rest and focus, but as you might have guessed, I'm constantly interrupted. But I've started to try, and y ubiquitous Getting Things Done application is forcing another question for me to answer, "When should your sabbath be? When should your bi-weekly fasts be?"

    Now, I turn the lamp onto your face and ask you these same questions. Try to answer these questions with me, and let's find that time when we don't need to talk to each other. When we don't need to tell each other everything that has happened. When we don't feel empty just being by ourselves.

Thursday, 20 November 2008

Thursday, 20 March 2008

Thursday, 24 January 2008